What if Kanda?
by Yuu.Kanda382
Summary: What if Kanda... desynchronized with his Innocence after the battle with Skin Bolic and was forced away from the Black Order? My first DGM story. Rated M for blood, pain, angst. Not yaoi!
1. Here and now

Kanda Yuu and other -Man characters appearing in this story belong to Katsura Hoshino-sensei. Other characters have been created by me or are based on really existing people. The DGM characters are mostly OOC though and their names as well as places have been used by me to create another story freely based on DGM.

If you don't like it, don't read it. It's just that you have been warned.

**Prologue**

The darkness wraps around him like a soft and warm blanket. He breathes slowly and doesn't dare to make a single movement, in order not to wake up the pain. Only a few hours ago the pain pulled an gnawed on his body like a pack of dogs. His now short hair is still damp with sweat and traces of salty tears can be seen on his pale cheeks. After some time, that could be either a few seconds or a year, somebody quietly opens the door to the room he lies in. From the sound it makes, one can say it must be heavy and old. It squeaks pleasantly. Some barely audible steps of bare feet can be heard on the wooden floor. A warm, bony and strong hand touches his slender arms in a delicate, reassuring way.

- Yuu? – it's the voice of an old man. – Yuu, are you awake?

Kanda Yuu, the former exorcist of the mighty Black Order slowly nods and turns around to look into the old man's eyes. Doing so he mentally prepares himself for a shot of unbearable pain but nothing like this happens.

The man smiles to him in the darkness, which is not so thick any more, thanks to the slightly opened door and a stripe of yellow-reddish light seeping through the crack and placing itself on the floor.

- Sit up, drink this. – Kanda notices the man holds a brown mug in his hand.

He slowly takes the dish and drinks the cool liquid. It helps him breathe normally again. He feels blood rush through his veins and the fear of pain vanishes. He is home now. Nothing bad can ever happen to him again. No one is going to do him any harm. He is home.

**Part I **- **Here and now.**

Sweat covers his bare torso. He is wearing only a pair of black training trousers. Barefoot, he stomps the dusty ground behind the shrine. It's a late afternoon already. A group of children watches him train with a wooden stick. He smiles to himself. He used to train with a sharp katana once. With Mugen. Now his weapon is a mere wooden stick, not even a _bokken_. It's not well polished and wry but it can be lethal in his hands. Kanda Yuu already proved it once.

If anybody skilled in martial arts watched his slender and somehow girly posture now, he wouldn't ever thin that boy could be a danger for him. One has to touch Kanda Yuu to be aware of his strength sleeping under his pale skin. At the first sight he looks like a child: small and lost. His uneven and badly cut hair barely covers his neck now, his fringe constantly falls into his big dark blue eyes. The kids who gathered around the training square and are watching him now, admire Kanda as a hero though. All of them come from poor families or are orphans. Most of them are crippled, some suffer from different kinds of mental diseases. He is their brother and hero. He is their hope for a bright day and a pot of steaming rice dish. He takes care of them every day. Feeds them, helps them with everyday's tasks, gives them a smile and a good word when they need it most. None of them realizes they give even more to him. They give him love, something he never had before. He stops now and looks at them, their black haired heads in the last orange beams of the setting sun.

'I'm home' he thinks and his lips repeat this though without him realizing that.

After the training it's the usual time for supper. Kanda loves the daily routine, it makes him feel safe. He brings his stick to the training hall and places it under the wall. Once he goes out, he's immediately surrounded by a swarm of children, following him closely to the kitchens of the Temple. Some of them clutch to his trousers and he knows they won't let go until he forces a bowl of soup into their hands and orders them to eat. He is the last to eat. He thinks of feeding others at first. To be honest he should eat his supper with the other monks in the Temple's dining room. He loves the dining room in fact. He loves the big hall, it's wooden floor covered with colorful long carpets, the sitting cushions. He loves eating breakfast there, listening to the monks discussing quietly. But supper is reserved for his friends. He wants to eat with them. The monks of the Temple accept it and don't feel offended when Kanda doesn't come to eat with them in the evening. They know where he is. At this time of the day, they can find him in the kitchen, among the always hungry kids, if they should need him. He feeds them, then makes their faces and hands clean and in the end he eats his soba, a dozen of pairs of black eyes staring at him when he does.

- Yuu-kun eats so elegantly, ne? – a twelve years old girl makes a statement shaking her head violently. – And never spills soup, like I do.

Kanda smiles at her.

– You wouldn't spill your soup if you tried hard enough, Qiu. – he replies her.

- B-but Qiu tries hard enoooough… - the girl is on the edge of breaking into tears all of a sudden. Kanda puts his bowl aside and grabs her into his arms, wiping her first tears away with his fingers.

- Of course you try hard. – he reassures her – But remember what our Master said. Even if one tries hard, he can always try harder, right?

Qiu now smiles at Kanda showing presenting all her white small teeth.

Kanda knows all the names of his little friends. He knows where they come from and never forgets their stories. He knows who lacks a mother and who's father forced his child away from home, because he couldn't accept the shame of having a 'stupid' son. They love him just for remembering.

Qiu is one of his favorite pupils. Even though she tends to cry a lot, cannot eat her soup without spilling the half of the bowl's content on her blouse and Kanda has to remind her of blowing her nose constantly, he loves the girl. For her most beautiful, genuine smile.

He is also very fond of the seventeen years old Shun. Shun tries to learn sword fighting from Kanda. They don't use real swords for trainings of course. Kanda doesn't even use his usual wooden stick he still happens to call 'Mugen' in his thoughts. He knows he could harm his 'apprentice' (as he refers to Shun and makes him feel proud because of it) because Shun is and always will be too slow to dodge Kanda's hits. They train with light wooden stick, which break immediately when they hit too hard against something or someone or sometimes they just pretend to have swords in their hands. In the end of their 'fight' Kanda usually pretends to be tired or hurt and gives up, awarding the victory to his opponent.

After the supper Kanda wishes his friends a good night and leaves for the mediations in the Temple. It's the best part of the day for him. He sits on his cushions, feels relaxed, closes his eyes and listens to the soft humming of the monks meditating next to him. It's already a late night when they leave to their bedrooms. They'll wake up only some for hours later to start a new day and welcome the rising sun with a prayer. Another peaceful day will begin for them and for Kanda Yuu.

Kanda doesn't have the official status of the Shaolin Monastery monk. He doesn't wear the orange religious habit. His clothes are usually black or grey. He doesn't have to take part in the typical Monastery life but he still does and want to. He has his own tasks though. He takes care of the children living in the village. He feeds and nurses the stray cats and dogs. He trains his own sword fighting skills, completely unknown to the monks. He studies the books in the library, meditates with others, but also helps in the kitchen and takes care of the Temple's gardens. It's his way if saying 'thank you' for giving him a new home and a new life.

He doesn't feel compatible with his innocence any more but he doesn't feel the painful emptiness he used to feel shortly after desynchronizing with it. Now he would rather say they filled him in with love and peace. Compatibility: one hundred percent.

It's four o'clock in the morning and Kanda Yuu wakes up in his room. He can already hear monks going for the morning prayers. He shots out off his bed and makes himself clean and ready within the next ten minutes. He wants to be outside before the sunrise. Watching this daily spectacle became his habit. He stands at the edge of the rock and watches the orange glow light up the shadows of the night. Then he closes his eyes and feels how the shadows in his mind disappear too. He is ready for the next day.


	2. Visions in my head

Kanda does not belong to me.

The title of chapter II was inspired by Monoral's song.

It's a short chapter but I'll write something more soon.

Please R&R! Thank you!

**Part II – Visions in my head**

Kanda still remembers the day when they cut his beautiful long hair. He remembers being held by Allen Walker, so that he couldn't make a single move and the sound of the scissors being held by Komui Lee. He couldn't move even if Allen wouldn't hold him so strong. He was too badly injured and his wound's didn't heal. There was no single lotus petal left on the flower trapped in the hourglass. Kanda knew he was dying, yet they didn't let him die in peace, they stripped him from his dignity, proclaimed he lost the battle against Evil, against Noah. Called him "unworthy" and told everybody Kanda Yuu is not an Exorcist of the Black Order any more, as he allowed the Noah take his Innocence.

Kanda couldn't make a sound, he couldn't defend himself, tell everybody they are lying. Mugen would not activate. The blade was all black and cracked in many places. Hevlaska confirmed Komui's words: Kanda Yuu became an Unworthy.

They tortured him for many hours. Maybe days, Kanda can't tell now. He remembers being whipped, burned, drowned. In the end they cut his hair and decided to show him mercy. He was allowed to leave the Order and die on the streets. They won't kill him by themselves. They don't want to have his blood on their hands, not that their hands were clean actually.

- Che!

Kanda makes a move with his neck, relaxing his tense muscles a bit.

Kanda knows very good he wasn't incompatible back then. But even if he could speak, they wouldn't believe him. He remembers being forced away on the street with nothing more but what he had on him: old black pair of trousers, a gray pullover, a pair of heavy shoes. No weapon. He was left to die after all.

What he doesn't remember was his long journey to where his home is now – China. What remained in his head are some blurry visions of faces, places, pain and fever. Then he found himself among people who didn't ask where he came from or what happened to him. They just offered him help. Two days later he really desynchronized with his Innocence. The monks were holding his hands as he breathed heavily, coughed blood, cried in pain. He was fevered, scared to death and sure he will die within the next hours and go straight to hell. Then he sunk into blackness.

Kanda remembers waking up among soft pillows, feeling no pain at all. Just emptiness. He had a feeling that he is not himself any more. But this strange emptiness slowly filled in with emotions completely unknown to him: love, compassion, joy. Every day he learned something new about the world he now had to live in. Finally he understood. He wasn't immortal any more, but he was stronger than before.

- Yuu!

A sudden sound of his name being called, makes him tense his muscles again. Just for a while. Then he realizes he's safe and just being called by one of the monks.

- Yes? – he rises up from the floor and smiles toward the young man, only a year or two older than Kanda himself.

- Can you please take a look at this? It looks strange. What are those? Birds?

Kanda comes up to the window and looks at a dark gray cloud moving toward the Monastery. He narrows his eyes. This is not a cloud, it moves too fast. These are not birds, they make no sound. He has seen these clouds before, in his previous life.

- We have to take everybody to the undergrounds! Now! – he cries out to the young monk and darts out of the building. Of course he has seen them before: Akumas.


	3. Those, who fight to survive, will die

Kanda does not belong to me.

I'm not very happy with this chapter, but I'm still asking you to read and review.

Thank you!

P.S. Please stay tuned, a pairing comes in chapter 4!

**Part III – Those, who fight to survive, will die**

After having the Master convinced to take all the older monks and children to the undergrounds of the Monastery, Kanda and another fifty young men are now left alone in the empty buildings. The fifty men are volunteers who want to accompany Kanda in the battle against the unknown enemy. Yuu informs them about the danger. They all seem to understand they don't have any chances of winning this battle, but maybe they still can protect those, they care for. Their Master, their friends, the orphans. At least they have to try. Kanda tells his warriors to stay hidden in the buildings while he's going to make as many Akumas fall down as he can. Once the monsters will fall down, his men are allowed to attack and kill them. Not earlier.

- But how are you going make them fall? – Taku looks at Kanda in disbelief

- I have fought these monsters before. I know their weak points. Don't worry. Just be careful, their blood is poisonous, so if it splashes you, you'll become infected.

- Are we all going to die? – another monk, only a nineteen years old boy named Makoto asks Kanda.

- Those who fight to survive, will die. Those who fight in despair, will win. – with those words Kanda leaves the building holding the wooden stick in his hand.

Outside Akumas are gathering over the roofs, on the squares, squeeze themselves between the buildings. Kanda stops to take a look around.

- Oh, look what we have here. – a grayish monster stops in mid-flow over Kanda's head and lovers itself a bit to face the young fighter. – are you going to hurt me with this stick of yours, child? Don't make me laugh! You're a fool, run! Run in fear and maybe I'll spare your life!

Kanda makes a step back and grips on his stick a little bit stronger.

- I am not going to run away. – he answers in a calm, low tone.

- Then, my little child, good bye. – the Akuma shoots at Kanda but misses. For a second the monster is sure, the blow ripped the boy's body in thousand pieces but then feels an strange weight on its back. A short, sharp pain follows and the Akuma dies before it realizes what the weight was - Kanda on its back.

Yuu lands gracefully on the ground, now the other monsters have already spotted him. They witnessed their comrade die and now they know the boy is dangerous. They have to kill him. They have to before he kills them.

In the Black Order Komui receives an information about the Shaolin Monastery being attacked by a large swarm of Akumas. He sends an emergency crew consisting of his sister, Lenalee Lee, Exorcist Noise Marie, Exorcist and younger General Allen Walker and Exortcist Arystar Krory. Lavi the Bookmann is going to accompany them in case something interesting should be found there. The Order has never got any reports on an Innocence being hidden in the Monastery, but one never knows.

When they arrive to Dengfeng the battle is already over. Searching through the hollow streets Lenalee comes across a few bodies of young people - judging from the clothes they wear – the Shaolin monks. All of the bodies are bloodied and she can say they died from several serious injuries. One of them was caught by an Akuma while trying to escape into a building through an opened window. Allen counts the Akuma corpses and cannot believe there are so many of them there. Who actually could fight an Akuma? Komui didn't inform them that some Exorcists were in the near. So what happened? Krory accompanied by Lavi finds the explanation very soon.

- There's somebody! – Lavi cries out, rushing towards a ruined building. A grayish clad figure can be barely spotted from the place where they now stand, but as it moves, it becomes obvious something – or rather someone - is there.

- Wait! – Arystar warns him – it's not a monk, like the others. They were wearing orange robes! Lavi stops in mid rush and looks at Arystar. The pale Exorcist slowly comes up to the place pointed by Lavi. A few steps nearer.

- Come up here, Lavi, it's just a kid. He's still alive. – yet a few more steps. The dusted victim makes a move and tries to get up.

- Take it easy, don't move, you must be injured. I'm going to help you, don't wo… - Arystar loses his voice eyeing the black haired figure lying in front of him. – Kanda?

- Yuu! – a voice of a young man rings through the air the very same moment.

Lavi and Krory turn around to face another young monk, his robe bloodied and ripped in many places. The monk doesn't pay any attention to the strangers as he falls on the knees next to Kanda and whispers his name.

- Yuu, we made it. They are all gone. We. Made. It. – Kanda Yuu smiles at his friend and nods in agreement – We made it, Taku. Then he notices the two black clad figures standing above him and his palm tightens around the stick.

- Make them go away… Please… - he whispers to Taku and closes his eyes. He's too weak for another fight.

It takes three long days and nights until Kanda recovers from his wounds in the Monastery. On the fourth day he's strong enough to get up from his bed. Accompanied by Taku and two other monks, as well as by Shun and Qiu, who is still frightened to death, he pays visit to the Master. Hoping to see the old wise man alone, Kanda stiffens when he sees Lavi and Allen in the main chamber too.

He would gladly refuse to speak, but it would mean being disobedient towards the Master, and Kanda won't ever offend his savior.

- Don't worry Yuu. – the Master says. – I already know who they are and what role they had in your past, but still they asked me to ask you a few questions and I allowed them, so please, forgive me.

Yuu bows in reply. Then narrows his eyes and looks at Walker. A warning in his eyes. But before Allen even clears his throat a question escapes from Lavi's lips and hangs between them:

- How is it possible, that you're alive?

Kanda sits down on the floor and doesn't answer the Bookman's question immediately. He looks at his own bare feet, at his bandaged palms, at the Master's bald head, at the sculpture of Buddha behind him, finally at Allen.

- You've become a general? – It's rather a statement than a question. – Congratulations, Walker.

- Thank you. – Allen gives Kanda a cold look – Now be so nice and answer the Bookman's question.

Kanda looks now straight into Lavi's eyes. – I'm afraid I cannot answer your question, Lavi. Does it bother you this much? That I'm alive?

- But.. how? You desynchronized!

- I didn't. Hevlaska made a mistake, or they made her make it.

- They? Who?

- Komui. Leverrier. The Order. – Kanda shrugs as if it didn't matter anymore.

- We're taking him with us – Walker orders to Lavi and Lenalee who just entered the chamber. – It needs to be clarified.

- I'm not going anywhere – Kanda feels his inner peace leaving him at the sound of Walker's words. They cannot take him.

- Yes, you are Yuu. You don't want the cute friend of yours to get hurt anyhow, do you? – Walker makes a move with his chin and only now Kanda sees Krory holding a crying and kicking Qiu by her collar.

-Let her go! – he tries to run out and help the frightened girl, but Walker grabs his arm and stops him. – Be reasonable, Yuu. We'll clarify this and you will come back. Don't make scenes.

Kanda looks at his Master and sees a silent plea in the old man's eyes. Once again the mighty Black Order has taken power over him.

- Let her go, Allen, please. I'll go. Just don't make her cry.


	4. Misery loves company

Here comes chapter IV and the promised pairing. All right, maybe some hints of a pairing-to-be.

Thank you – all of you – for the reviews! It means a lot to me because it is my very first DGM fanfiction and I try to do my best. I realize the figures are very OOC in here (maybe except…. OK I won't spoil the plot now!) but it was my intention to do it like this.

Thanks for your great support once again.

Aha, and Kanda still doesn't belong to me.

Please enjoy reading!

**Part IV – Misery loves company**

If it wasn't for Noise Marie, Kanda's travel back to the Order would be a hell. The silent Exorcist was the only one who didn't let Allen treat his former colleague as a captive, insisted on not tying Kanda up with a rope and protested about beating or blindfolding him. Kanda himself didn't make a sound during the whole journey. He showed no emotion. Neither anger, nor fear could be seen on his calm, pale face. Kanda was sure, they will imprison him in the dungeons of the Black Orders once they'll reach it, but nothing like this happened.

He is now sitting in a dim-lit room. The stone walls are radiating unpleasant coldness and he shivers a bit, as he wears only a pair of trousers. No shirt, no shoes. They took his weapon away too. Having so many well trained fighters around, they are still afraid of letting him hold a wooden stick in his hand. Kanda subconsciously smirks to himself.

- You're still afraid of what I could do – he thinks.

The door opens and he sees a rather tall and slim silhouette of a young woman come in. Her hair is long - it reaches past her shoulders – brown and wavy. Her eyes are brown too. Brown and big. And somehow teary. He barely remembers her from his previous life in the Order. Miranda Lotto. The unlucky Miranda, as some exorcists and finders used to call her. He never really get to know her. She was a freshman when he fought Skin Bolic. Then after his last fight they never met again. Until now.

- Good morning, I-I am…

- Good morning, Miranda. I know who you are. – Kanda rises from the cold floor he was sitting on. Maybe Komui didn't order to lock him in the dungeons, but Yuu is now placed in a tiny and cold room, that remembers a ward rather than a bedroom and they didn't even provide him with a bed or futon to sleep on.

- Oh… I'm sorry, I brought you something to eat. – she places the bowl on the floor and moves backwards to the door like if she feared him.

- Are you…afraid of me? – Kanda asks watching her with some kind of amusement.

- They tell strange things about you. – Miranda replies, shocked with her own bluntness.

- Like what? – Kanda now smiles at her openly. She blinks. There were legends about a certain Exorcist, a swordsman named Kanda Yuu, repeated over and over by the younger recruits and finders. She heard he was cruel. Heartless. Never spoke to people, unless to insult them or make them get out of his way. Then he was disgraced. And so the legendary Kanda turned into a notorious villain, whose name was forbidden inside this building. And now she is standing in front of him. Not to mention that only a few hours ago, her friend, Lenalee, told her that this particular man has killed over one hundreds Akumas with a mere wooden stick!

- Like what? What things do you mean? - Kanda repeats his question. His voice sounds calmly and warm. Warm against those cold walls. Miranda Lotto shivers.

- It's cold in here… - she whispers more to herself.

- Yes, I guess Komui doesn't want me to get too comfortable. – Kanda snickers. He is not going to show them any weakness. Not even to that beautiful woman standing in front of him now. She is older than himself. She must be much older than Lenalee too, yet her face is much more girly and innocent, than the one of Komui's sister.

- But you must be freezing here. – she takes another step back and he feels a sudden need to hold her in here. To talk to her.

- You still didn't answer my question, Miranda.

- Huh? Oh, that… hat you k-killed many Akumas. With a stick.

- That's right. – Kanda now looks straight into the wall opposite him.

- But how? General Walker says you're not compatible!

General Walker! – Che! – Kanda snorts at the sound of these words.

- He's right. I'm not. And I don't know how. Maybe…

- Maybe? – Miranda comes closer to Yuu, without even realizing she does so.

- …maybe because I was protecting somebody I love? I had to win. I had to.

She hunkers down next to him and touches his soft black hair.

He moves slightly as she does so and tilts his head. - What are you doing?

- You're cold. – she answers. They cannot keep you in here. You will get sick. Where are your clothes?

- I don't have any. They took it away.

She stands up and rushes out of the room without saying a word. He is left alone again. He reaches up for his meal and tries to eat a bit. Then he closes his eyes and curls up on the floor. He is cold. He has to calm down and meditate a bit, other way they will break him too soon. But he cannot focus. He is cold. Too cold.

The door slams open a few hours later. Miranda Lotto and Noise Marie enter the room to find a shivering Kanda lying in the corner of the room.

- I told you. – Miranda refers to a nodding Marie as she comes up to the raven haired boy, holding a blanket and wraps it up around him.

- Yuu?

Kanda looks at her and smiles. His hair is beating fast and it scares her.

- Are you feeling sick? Your heart beats like crazy.

- I was doing some exercises to warm myself up, but it doesn't help much. – he replies. It's true. The exercises helped him to get warm for a while, but after he stopped it was even worse. Noise Marie helps him to get up and leads him out of the room.

- I'm taking you to a warmer place.

- Komui will be mad at you. – Kanda looks at his bigger friend and shakes head – You don't have to do it.

- But I want to. And Komui can bite me.

Kanda cannot help but chuckle. – Where did you learn such a language?

- Lots of things have changed here since you left, Yuu. Lots of bad things happened.

Sitting in Miranda's room and sipping hot milk from a mug, Kanda feels his numb limbs to become alive again. Miranda and Marie have already told him what happened during the last year of his absence. General Tiedoll came back to the Order one month after Kanda was proclaimed 'unworthy' and couldn't stand the fact that one of his beloved apprentices was sentenced to death in such a cruel way. He blamed Noise Marie for not protecting his younger 'brother in arms', he blamed himself for not being there when Kanda needed him. He took a look at Mugen and the sword clearly showed him, he was still compatible with his master. A week later Mugen's blade turned into a pile of dust. It was the night when Kanda really desynchronized with his Innocence. It was also the night, when General Tiedoll understood he has lost the chance of ever getting his pupil back.

- He has thrown himself from the cliff. – Miranda wipes her tears away with a kerchief.

Kanda shakes his hand in disbelief. His master, the only person who ever treated him right in that damn Order is now dead.

After having two Generals lost (Cross and now also Tiedoll), Leverrier decided to recruit somebody among the Exorcists. Allen walker seemed to be the best candidate. And so he became promoted. In the meantime, Leverrier and Komui were also looking for a replacement for Kanda, but none of the young recruits was skilled enough in sword fighting. They trained hard, but something lacked. A legend of Kanda Yuu was born among them, but once it became popular, Leverrier forbade to even mention the 'traitor's name' within the walls of the sacred Black Order. Everyone who even tried to mention Kanda was severely punished.

A sharp knock at Miranda's door makes the three figures sitting in the dark room stiffen and freeze in place.

- Come in… please – Miranda says and the door open.

- I knew I'll find him in here! – it's Komui and Walker.

- I'm very sorry, supervisor Lee, but he was cold and… - Miranda tries to explain Kanda's presence in her room, but Komui silences her with a gesture.

- Shut up. – comes a barked order from Allen Walker

- Watch your mouth, Walker. Being ranked as General doesn't allow you to treat a woman this way. – Kanda rises from his place and makes a step forward. Noise Marie follows suit.

- Stop it! Both of you! - Komui's sharp voice breaks the fight before it even started.

- Walker, we need Kanda to be in a good shape for the congregation. Mr. Leverrier, Mrs. Eppstein, Miss Fou and the cardinals will be here in three days. Then they will decide about the specimen's future.

A specimen. Then that's what he is in their eyes. That what he always has been. Kanda shuts his eyes tight as visions of his past become to flow his mind uncontrollably. White walls, blood, needles, lab coats. He opens his mouth and a cry escapes his lips. But it's a silent cry, not audible to anybody. For Kanda Yuu has lost his voice. Again.


	5. Out of the shadows and pain I was born

I personally think this chapter sux. Sorry, I was in no shape when writing it, but I still hope you will forgive me and read it. I accept all reviews suggesting that I failed. I wanted to present a bit of Kanda's dark past and how it affected his soul, his mind, his feelings. But I guess I didn't do my best here.

I know some of you people are missing some characters from DGM, but it was my decision not to put all of them into my story. I wanted to write something of my own, hence the whole OOCness and so I have also decided to ignore the existence of some original characters. Instead I added some created by me.

I'll better stop talking now. Here's chapter 5.

**Part V – Out of the shadows and pain I was born**

Kanda Yuu, the twenty-seven years old former Exorcist sits in front of the congregation. Even though they speak about him as if he wasn't present at all.

Only two hours ago Hevlaska was accused with negligence. The sentence is still unknown for Kanda. Though judging from the screams he can hear now from the dungeons they must be doing something terrible to her. He tries to ignore those shrieks and shuts his eyes tight. What will happen to him after this all ends? He's prepared for death, he spent the whole last night on meditations and is now ready to face his fate. He only regrets he won't ever see the lovely face of Qiu and the other children in Dengfeng.

- So you admit he was compatible back then now, Mr. Leverrier?

- Miss Fou… back then I was leaning my judgment on Hevlaska's opinion. It never happened that she made a mistake before. I couldn't …

- Why don't we just synchronize him again? – Eva Eppstein cuts into Leverrier's speech. – We did it once, when he was a child. We can do it again now. It's clear he survived the desynchronization because of his strength. And he is so strong because we trained him well in his childhood.

- What do you mean… synchronize? With what? – Fou looks at Eva as if she went completely mad.

- With some other Innocence, as Mugen cannot be retrieved any more.

Kanda blinks and realizes what the women are speaking about. They will lock him in the laboratories again. They will tie him to the surgery table and do those terrible things again. His whole childhood was a never-ending series of tests, experiments, pain. Now they want him to go through it again.

- N-no… - a barely audible protest can be heard from the place where Kanda Yuu, the subject of the congregation sits now.

- Oh, so it speaks again – Walker makes a vicious remark and gives a sign to one of the finders – Make him shut his damn mouth!

It's too late though. The eldest of the cardinal rises his head and looks at the small figure sitting on the floor in the most distant part of the chamber.

- Kanda Yuu, can you answer a few of my questions?

Kanda startles a bit at the sound of this voice, he didn't expect any of the cardinals to even speak up to him.

The cardinal moves from his place and comes nearer to Kanda, so that he can hear him better. The old wise man realizes the boy must clearly have some difficulties with speaking. Before the congregation started he was even told that the subject lost his voice completely and will neither speak for himself nor answer any questions.

- Tell me, child, what are these women speaking about?

Kanda rises his head and looks at the smiling face of the priest.

- I… I was synchronized with Mugen, my Innocence, at the age of nine. Earlier before they made tests on me. They wanted to know if I'll be able to survive it.

- They?

- Mrs. Eppstein. Mr. Leverrier. Mr. Lee too.

- What kind of tests were they?

- I don't really know… it hurt. They gave me injections, so that my blood burned in my veins. They made me sleep I cold places. They forced me to stay awake for many days in a row. Then they synchronized me. And sent me here, to the Order.

- How long did the tests last?

- Since I was six. Three years.

- And your parents? Why didn't they do anything about it?

- I don't have parents, your holiness. I was taken from an orphanage. They said it's better like this, because no one would cry after me if something went wrong.

- Is it true? – the cardinal now turns to Leverrier.

- Cardinal Castello, please… - Eva Eppstein tries to calm the priest down.

- Mrs. Eppstein, just answer my question! Anybody, answer my question! Did you torture a nine years old child?

- But it was for the Order's sake. – Komui Lee protests raising from his chair.

- For the Order's sake, you say? And maybe you will tell me that it was a will of God, that this child had to suffer this much?

- We all suffer for God, don't we?

- God is our merciful and loving Father. Do you really believe He would approve of such cruelty? I won't allow you to, as you named it… synchronize Kanda Yuu again. With anything! Did you understand me well?

- Yes, cardinal Castello – Eva Eppstein shifts in her seat and smoothes out some non-existing falters on her long blue dress. – But you have to understand the goals of our actions. We wanted to create an immortal fighter. Somebody who could face the Noah and defeat them. I'm sorry we failed.

- You failed at the beginning my daughter. You failed just by having a mere idea of torturing a child. – the priest turns back to Kanda and nods to him – Come on my son, get up. It's over. I'm sorry I couldn't help you many years ago, but at least I can be useful here now. – Miss Fou, please take Yuu to his bedroom and let him rest. I can see he needs some good sleep.

When they leave the chamber, a distant cry and some strange noise can be heard. A few seconds later they see Lavi running towards them – Supervisor Lee! Noah! They are attacking us!

A terrifying silence follows these words and then panic explodes.

- Fou, give me a sword. I beg of you, give me a sword. Let me fight! – Kanda whispers to the Chinese woman beside him. She gives him a small nod, then grabs his hand and drags him to the training room. They have to hurry up now. She reaches for the two nearest _bokken_ swords hanging on the wall and tosses one to Kanda.

- It may not be Mugen, but it has to do for now – she calls to him.

Kanda looks at his weapon. It's long and he can feel its reassuring weight in his hand as the sword awakes under his touch like a snake. It's time. Time to fight.


	6. Two worlds collided

Thank you for the nice and lovely comments on my last chapter. They made me go on with writing this story.

Here is chapter 6. The plot happens after the congregation and after some other event, which you will be able to read about in chapter 7. I tangled the plot on purpose to make the story a bit more interesting.

Hooray for the Yuu - Miranda pairing.

Aha, and Kanda still doesn't belong to me

R&R please!

**Part VI – Two worlds collided**

The still weak Miranda Lotto sits on the park bench admiring the falling golden and reddish leaves of the conker-tree. Dressed in her most beautiful long dark-green dress, that perfectly matches the color of her hair and eyes, she looks like a Autumn Fairy. At least that's what he thinks about her. She didn't notice him coming yet. She breathes in the cool air of the late September afternoon and moves slightly to make herself more comfortable. Her left arm still hurts a lot, but she can move it again and her fingers don't feel numb any more.

- Miranda?

- Oh, Yuu. I didn't see you coming.

- I know… - he laughs and sits next to her, on the edge of the bench, like if he was ready to get up any time. – How are you doing today?

- I'm fine, thank you.

- Maybe you should go back home now? I don't want you to catch a cold.

- Don't worry about me. I'm OK, Yuu, really… thanks to you.

- You… you don't need to thank me, Miranda. It was Fou who looked after you.

- But you were there. All the time. I remember. Did you think I didn't know? I saw your face every time I regained consciousness. I heard your voice when I was losing it. And besides… Zhu told me what you did for me.

- He shouldn't have. The old man… - Kanda rises up angrily and kicks the nearest conker lying on the ground.

- Why? Why shouldn't he tell me, Yuu?

- Because… - suddenly he turns around and faces her. She feels an urge to look away but it's too late, she's already trapped in these dark blue eyes.

- Because I love you, Miranda, but I cannot be with you. And it hurts.

- Yuu? – she exclaims and stands up only to sit down immediately and shakes her head in disbelief.

- I didn't want to tell you. I thought it will be better. Easier. At least for you. If you didn't get attached to me. So that I could leave without breaking your heart at least. I don't care about mine. It's…

- It's what?

- I don't have a heart. They kept repeating it all my life, so I finally believed in it. Then in Denfeng I felt something. I felt that I love those orphans who live there and I fought the Akumas to save them. But you know… love is a dangerous feeling. It can break you. And I'm not meant to be broken.

- Why do you want to leave, Kanda? Why won't you just stay here with me?

- Because we belong to different worlds. My world is the one of mortal human beings, random people who will get old and die. And only if they'll try hard enough they can do something good with their live before it fades away. My destiny is to go back to Dengfeng and teach Shun how to fight a non-existing sword. To clean Qiu's always runny nose. To meditate, pray and get up before sunrise.

Your destiny is to stay here, belong to the Order and save souls.

- And if I decided to leave with you?

Kanda looks at her, then cups his hand and reaches to touch her cheek. She shivers underneath that gentle touch.

- Tell me Miranda, do you hate this place?

- No. It's the first place where I actually felt needed. Useful. The first place where I felt safe and I could call a real home.

- You see? It's your place. My home is in Dengfeng. It's where I feel needed and loved. Not here. I hate it in here. The Order's walls stink with my own blood and fear.

- I understand. – she nods and gets up from the bench. - Will you walk me back home, please?

- I will.

They walk together to the HQ in silence. Each of them lost in his own thoughts. Kanda will leave tomorrow.

She knows he has stayed longer than he should have. He has helped Fou to nurse the wounded Miranda, he has argued with Komui who wanted to leave her to death as she was losing her compatibility. Zhu told Miranda about it. He also told her that it was Kanda who made the Order release Hevlaska from prison, so that she could help Miranda to keep her Innocence. And now he is going to leave her.

He knows that he could possibly stay, get some regular job, live somewhere in the town and meet her occasionally every now and then. But his heart makes him long for the new home in China. And this feeling is stronger than anything else would ever be. So he is going to let her live her own life and leave.


	7. The monk and the Evil

What happened before chapter 6.

I decided that Noah cannot really hurt mortal people and mortal people (or better said those not compatible with an Innocence) cannot kill a Noah. Sounds fair? Naïve? Anyway. Here comes the Fight of The Century. My ladies, gentlemen: Kanda Yuu vs. Tyki Mikk.**  
**R&R please

**Part VII – The monk and the Evil **

- Yuu?

- I'm not sleeping.

- Open your eyes.

The eyelids are so heavy yet he slowly opens his eyes and looks at Fou's worried face.

- Do you remember what happened?

- I fought with a Noah.

- Yes. And you have won.

_Tyki Mikk stands on the roof of the Black Order HQ. Opposite him stands a black haired boy, shorter than Mikk himself, barefoot, wearing some hakama trousers and a white shirt. Tyki cannot help but think the boy somehow enjoys standing there on the soft grass as if he didn't realize the danger he found himself in. _

_- Who are you? – Mikk asks_

_- My name is Kanda Yuu – answers the boy; the wind gently plays with his hair._

_- You're lying. Kanda is dead. _

_- Think what you want._

_- What makes you think you can fight me, child?_

_- I have killed Skin Bolic, what makes you think I cannot defeat you?_

_- Kanda has killed my brother, Skin. Not you. You're a poor copy of him. But if you claim to be Kanda, I'm fine with it, I'll have even more pleasure killing you!_

_Mikk attacks first. Quickly and precisely, yet the raven haired boy manages to dodge his hit. _

_- Well done, but I still don't understand how you want to hurt me with a wooden sword._

_Another attack, another dodge. A small swarm of Tease being let out. A few black butterflies sit on Kanda's bare foot, yet, as he shakes them off, only a few small red dots can be seen on the pale skin. _

_- How come?_

_- It stings. – Yuu laughs a bit and rubs his foot with the other one. Then he smiles. – You're fun, Tyki._

_Then attack by himself. Tyki cannot be really hurt with the bokken but he still feels pain from Kanda's hits. Finally he manages to grab Kanda by his throat but as he tries to reach inside him with his hand, like he did it with Walker once before, it turns out impossible for him to do so._

_- Who are you? I sense no Innocence! - Mikk lets Kanda go and takes a step back. _

_- Because there is no Innocence inside me. That's why you couldn't tear it away from me, Tyki. You're fighting with a mortal human being. And you will lose this fight._

_Kanda shifts his weight on his left foot and releases his final blow. The attack he has learned from the Shaolin monks. _

_The world spins around as he falls to his knees, breathing heavily. Something comes up to his throat and for a second Kanda feels dizzy. He stands up though, prepared for Mikk's next attack but finds his opponent lying on the grass, unconscious. He slowly steps aside, feeling a wave of dizziness take over him again._

_A blurry figure can be seen in the distance._

_- Fou? _

_- Yuu! Hold on, I'm coming!_

_- Fou… - he is so very tired. The cardinal was right, he needs some rest._

- He's dead, Yuu.

- I couldn't…

- No, being incompatible you couldn't kill a Noah, but you still defeated him and helped us capture him. Krory killed him. He came up shortly after me. You lost consciousness.

- And the other Noah?

- The Earl and Road managed to escape. Everybody else is dead now. But we have also lost a few recruits and finders. And Miranda is…

Yuu rises on his bed violently. – What's wrong with her?

- She's badly injured, Yuu. I'm sorry.


	8. Finding the way home

Here is the last chapter and the epilogue.

I want to thank all of you who read my story and found some time to review and comment on it. I had a great time writing it and I'm already planning on creating another DGM fanfiction.

Once again: THANK YOU!

**Part VIII – Finding the way home**

The soft breeze tickles his neck as he climbs up the mountain. He can see the walls of the Temple in the distance, he can hear the monks sing a monotone prayer.

Kanda stops to take a deep breath. So he has made the right choice in the end. Or didn't he? For a short second he sees Miranda's concerned face and has to blink a few times to make it disappear. Another deep breath and the journey up continues.

A small figure runs down the path, tripping over, getting up and tripping over again. Yet he can hear a laughter, like if there were thousands of jingles in the wind.

- Yuu-kuuuun! Yuu-kun is baaaaaaaaack!

Kanda smiles widely and speeds up his pace.

- Qiu!

The small figure of a black haired girl trips over again.

- _Kami-sama,_ watch your steps, you're going to kill yourself.

She falls into his arms and snuggles up, crumbling her nose in a funny way.

- You smell like tea. – she says. – And I'm hungry.

Yuu laughs and rises her up.

- Come then, you always empty stomach.

- I'm not a stomach. I'm a girl! – Qiu protests loudly.

- Yes, yes, you are. My beloved one!

**Epilogue**

The sun is burning his skin and blinding his eyes as he tries to look up at the incredibly blue skies. He covers them with his hand and looks up once again. A red kite dives the blue ocean like a real dragon from the fairytales.

- Yuu? Did you see my kite?

Yuu looks down at the small child standing in front of him, holding the rope decorated with colorful paper ribbons.

- I did. It looks wonderful, Shien-chan.

He pets the little boy's head and sits down on the ground.

He can hear some dogs bark. Somebody is coming. Somebody the dogs didn't recognize. A stranger? Here?

- Yuu? – Shien senses the tension in Kanda and the sudden change of his mood.

- Stay here – Kanda orders him as he gets up and walks to the direction the unknown person should be coming from. It's an old man, his hair is gray, his clothes are dusty. He walks with a wooden stick, he leans on.

For a moment Kanda doesn't believe his eyes. Then runs up to the tired wanderer.

- Yuu, my child.

- Zhu…

- You look… so very much like your father. You must wonder what I'm doing here. I have left the Order. I had enough. I have heard enough and seen enough in the last years. – Kanda helps him sit down on the steps leading to the shrine and shouts to Shien to bring some water. The child soon comes back with a small cup of it.

- I own you a story, Yuu. And an apology.

- I have know your father. – Zhu says later as they sit in the cool shades of the shrine's walls. – He was a mighty, powerful samurai. And he loved your mother deeply. It's a shame, she died giving birth to your brother. The newborn baby died too. You were only one year old then. And soon your father followed her to the Eternity. They say his heart broke into pieces, he loved her so much. If I knew… if I only knew where they took you, I could have helped you. But the first time I saw you was when you came to my trainings at the age of ten. I was such a coward. I couldn't force myself to tell you the truth, Yuu. I was such a coward for all those years. Telling myself it'll be better for you if you didn't know. – the old man shakes his head and continues – I have recognized you immediately. You look like a copy of your father. And then I have asked for your name. Kanda.

- How did you know my parents?

- Your mother… was my only daughter, Yuu.

The night is dark as the raven's wings. Zhu sits in the garden watching a cat creep among the bushes. He hears Yuu coming only when the boy is already a few steps away.

He wants to tell him how proud of him he is, how much he always loved him, but his voice betrays him. Kanda Yuu, his only grandson, sits down next to him and sighs. Zhu can see he has been crying. But before he manages to open his mouth, Kanda leans back against his arm and whispers – Welcome home, grandpa.

**- THE END -**


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